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Without spending a feeble Canadian dollar on advertising, my films have now screened &/or been covered by Access TV, CTV, Bravo!, Cameo magazine, Canadian Press, CBC Radio, CBC TV, CBS News, Citytv, The Comedy Network, E! Now, Film Threat Weekly, FilmBin, The Georgia Straight, Global TV, The Independent Film & Video Monthly, indieWIRE, itv.net, The Loop magazine, Knowledge Network, Moviemaker, The New York Times, Now magazine, Pamela Wallen, Playback, The Province, Reel West, Rogers TV, Saturday Night magazine, Taxi Vancouver, Terminal City, TimeOut New York, The Toronto Star, TV Guide, TV Guide Online, Vancouver magazine, The Vancouver Sun, Vancouver Television, Variety, and dozens of community newspapers & radio stations.

How did I deserve this? Are my films the finest cinematic wonders ever to grace your retinas? Hardly. My microbudget shorts, "FARLEY MOWAT ATE MY BROTHER", and "WILLIAM SHATNER LENT ME HIS HAIRPIECE (AN UNTRUE STORY)", weren't even shot on film. We produced them on Beta then transferred them to 16mm for festivals.

However, they do have memorable titles, don't bore you to tears, were creatively made & edited, make most people laugh, and tend not to suck.

So, in a selfless effort to assist up-and-coming filmmakers interested in developing their own publicity skills, here are:

23 STEPS TO SHAMELESSLY HUCKSTERING YOUR MOVIE

1) Make the greatest film possible. This means having a good idea, writing & rewriting a great script, surrounding yourself with talent, then finishing your project sometime before you die.

2) Have a good photographer snap lots of vivid promotional pictures during production (both colour and B & W). Make copies of the best few stills for submission to journalists & festival publicists as requested.

3) Make loads of VHS dubs, neatly marked with your film's title, running time, your name, return address, and phone number. Make sure you have voice mail or an answering machine.

4) Assemble your press kit. Type up copies of your cast & crew lists, bios for key creative cast & crew members, an interesting synopsis, and a zippy log line.

My ‘FARLEY' synopsis: "Farley Mowat ate Ken's brother--and revenge will be Ken's! Thanks to Farley Mowat, Canada's most notorious literary outlaw, Ken Hegan endures the sting of premature fréré-loss."

My ‘SHATNER' synopsis: "An obsessed Star Trek fanatic battles William Shatner for control of Shatner's alluring yet addictive magical wig."

My ‘SHATNER' log line: "The hilarious comedy that baldly goes where no film has gone before."

Journalists have repeated these lines word-for-word, primarily because they sum up my story with vivid descriptions (‘obsessed', ‘battles', ‘addictive'), and accurately reflect my films' humourous tone.

5) Enter film/video festivals. Festival info can be found at these sites: http://www.filmfestivals.com/index.shtml

Get into the right festival, big or small, and you might win valuable prizes, have sex with beautiful people, or, most importantly, get your name in the paper. Because the more times your name is in the paper, the better your chances of winning valuable prizes and having sex with beautiful people. Get your name in the paper often enough and maybe people will help you make bigger films with bigger budgets.

6) Type a press release on your company letterhead. One page containing: a catchy headline, all the relevant information about your newsworthy achievement, a quote from you or your actors, correct spelling, and your phone number should a journalist wish to call for further information such as stills, bios, or production stories.

If you've never written a press release, buy the book "Getting Publicity: The very best book for your small business", written by Tana Fletcher & Julia Rockler.

7) Before sending your press release out, think about your screening. Is this an international story? National? Provincial? Or civic? For example, if your film will make its American premiere in New York, this could be newsworthy to New York, Canadian, and independent film audiences across North America.

If you are a Vancouver filmmaker and your film is making its debut at a Vancouver venue, this is probably only newsworthy to Vancouver and B.C. audiences. Unless, of course, your film has famous actors, is controversial, or you have taken an audience hostage and are forcing them to watch your movie. That might be time to send out a press release. It might also be time to reconsider your goals as a filmmaker.

8) On your computer, make lists of entertainment journalist contacts, alphabetized by the name of their media outlet. You'll need their names, titles, office fax & phone numbers, mailing addresses, and the name of their company.

9) You can divide your lists by medium, country, province/state, and/or audience size. For example, you may have a list of entertainment journalists who write for local community newspapers. Another could list producers of TV entertainment shows. Producers, not the hosts, are responsible for picking stories & booking guests. Still another list would be for e-mail addresses.

10) At the bare minimum, make sure you've made a master list of every important media outlet in your city. Who should you consider ‘important'? Anyone that might talk or write intelligently about your film to someone other than themselves. Note: don't think you can bypass the local press to get your face on the CBS News. Networks request a press kit before they'll even consider you as a guest. If you've never given an interview in your life, why should Dan Rather risk his audience share on your possible prime time choke?

11) Consider journalists' deadlines. Your press release will be useless if your screening happens TONIGHT. With some exceptions, magazines require months of notice, TV shows need weeks, newspapers at least a week, radio requires at least a few days notice.

12) Using the multiple-fax function on your computer's modem, fax off your press releases to your target list of journalists. Do this in the evening when the phone lines are clear. Due to shorter on-line attention spans, any e-mail releases you send should be shorter than your fax releases.

13) Make a list of amusing and/or interesting production stories you'd tell in an interview. Think of challenges, hurdles, and barriers you triumphed over to get your film made. Careful: this isn't the time to take shots at people/companies who didn't invest in your film. People love an underdog...and dismiss a backstabbing moaner.

14) Don't expect festivals to do your promotions for you. In the hopes of getting your film reviewed, deliver VHS copies of your film to local media outlets with a hard copy of your press release, your bio, a sharp looking production still, a poster, and your business card. Don't have a business card? Get on it.

15) Attend your screenings and bring your actors whenever possible. ‘FARLEY MOWAT ATE MY BROTHER' and ‘WILLIAM SHATNER LENT ME HIS HAIRPIECE (AN UNTRUE STORY)' have screened at over 60 international film festivals, winning or being nominated for a total of 18 awards including 'Best Short Film' at the New York Underground Film Festival, and a Gemini Award nomination (Canada's version of the Emmy) for Best Writing in a Comedy or Variety Program or Series.

Since festivals only pay for feature filmmakers to attend, I couldn't afford to attend most of these fests. However, I have attended every public screening of my shorts in the Greater Vancouver area and travelled to fests in Seattle, Spain, Edmonton, Toronto, and New York for the U.S. debut of ‘SHATNER'. While attending the New York Underground Film Festival, I was interviewed by CBS News and TV Guide.

16) At screenings you will often be asked to introduce your film and/or stand up after the credits to answer questions from the audience. Practice fielding questions from friends, lovers, and old people waiting for a bus.

17) If a journalist or film festival publicist wants more information from you before an interview, GET IT TO THEM. FAST. They'll often call for a pre-interview to determine your suitability for the real interview. Have your replies ready. Always assume you're talking on the record.

18) What kind of public image do you want? Pluck your mutant nose hairs. Show up for your interview/screening on-time and looking sharp. Smile and speak clearly about your film with confidence and enthusiasm. Stand or sit up straight, look people in the eye, talk into the mike, and be informative, interesting, & pithy. Avoid being a hype machine. But do your best to be quotable. There is a difference.

19) Don't bombard journalists with daily press releases. A press release/invitation sent weeks in advance of an event should do. Treat journalists with respect and you'll be invited back for future interviews and sometimes recommended to other journalists.

20) Hand out stylish flyers/one-sheets to people lined up to see other sold-out festival screenings. Your film's flyer should list dates, times, and locations of your screening(s) plus contact information and a photo.

21) Attend film functions. Make contacts. Support quality independent films by voting with your dollars. Get tunnel vision. And don't be an asshole. Talent is confident, not arrogant.

22) Write a how-to article telling people how you're promoting your films.

23) Promote your films as if your career depends on it. Because it does.

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Published: MovieMaker magazine, December 1998